- Honor and Keep thine journal up to date with Words and Tales, lest ye forget ye Small Deedes of ye day and later weep as all is lost in the shifting Mysts of Tyme.
- Harken to my words, for yonder Dogge cannot be trusted; have thine pepper Spraye at the ready to halt foul miscreants.
- Yea, Even though ye go to the Ends of the Earth itself for the Very Beste in Gear, yet still shall ye lust after ye Newest Gadget, and ye shall weep and moan and gnash thy teeth that it is not yet thine.
- If thou dost encounter ye Flatte Tyre, then it is said that Always, This Shall occur on the busiest, dustiest stretch of Road imaginable.
- Verily I say unto thee, Ye Shall Always stop and Hail thy fellow bicycle travelers as they approach ye from ye opposite direction, and trade Tales of Woe and Wonder about what is to come.
- Even as thy Tour is like unto a Descent into Hell itself, yet still shall thee look back upon it with increasing fondness as Tyme passes ye by.
- And it was said unto the crowd, "Ye shall Never share Pie while on ye Velocipede Odyssey, for it is an Abomination in mine Eye... also, Pass ye Ice Creame, and quick unto it now".
- Behold and mark my Words, for Locals shall always Mislead and Deceive thee with their tales of "it's all flat" and "yea, verily it be only a couple of miles".
- Ye Wind Shall Always Blow Against Ye, No Matter Which Way Ye Be Pedaling - care ye not to Question this, for so it has been Written.
- Thou shalt always visit ye Poste Office within Days of starting thy Trippe, for ye purpose of sending crappe that ye thought was Essential back Home.