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Forum: Humor

Jokes, stories, anecdotes, rants

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#1: Top ten rules of bicycle touring. (thread)
By Kelly Iniguez on Fri 1 Apr 2011 16:59 (US/Pacific) Edit Delete   Reply (36)   Printable Relation | Link | Bookmark | Report
I was just reading the daily update on Spoon and Jerry's trip.

I was amazed to read that they shared a piece of pie? What's with this? I'm sure it's in the top ten Rules of Bicycle Touring that a touring cyclist is allowed all of the pie and ice cream they want - no sharing - no watching cholesterol or waist lines while on tour. It has to be a rule!

Which led me to wonder - what would the Top Ten Rules of Bicycle Touring be?

I will offer the the pie/ice cream rule at the #4 position in importance . . . other ideas?

Show links to this message

      
#2: Re: Top ten rules of bicycle touring. (thread)
By Jim Fitch on Fri 1 Apr 2011 17:36 Edit Delete in reply to #1     Reply   Printable Relation | Link | Bookmark | Report
"Keep the rubber side down" has to be in there somewhere.

      
#3: Re: Top ten rules of bicycle touring. (thread)
By Brad Teubner on Fri 1 Apr 2011 17:54 Edit Delete in reply to #1     Reply   Printable Relation | Link | Bookmark | Report
There is the old pilot rule: Pee every chance you get, and don't land until you get to a runway.

One of my personal rules that took nearly 6 decades to beat into me: When you are tired, be especially cautious and conservative. For example, wait until you are absolutely certain you can make it across the street through traffic; don't let impatient cars behind you pressure you into questionable actions. I haven't been hit, but I have been stupid.

      
#4: Re: Top ten rules of bicycle touring. (thread)
By Moni Neville-Bieser on Fri 1 Apr 2011 17:56 Edit Delete in reply to #1     Reply   Printable Relation | Link | Bookmark | Report
Kelly in honor of today's special day, my friend Esther and I shared a carton of Chocolate Almond ice cream from Braums.

We do this ever so often, and not only on tour.

You can see us sharing during the Oklahoma FreeWheel here:

http://www.crazyguyonabike.com/doc/page/?page_id=36147

My rule for pie and ice cream mirrors yours. And for ice cream, if you are two or more people, go and buy a half gallon to make it worth it. :)

Moni

      
#5: Re: Top ten rules of bicycle touring. (thread)
By Neil Gunton (admin) on Fri 1 Apr 2011 18:08 Edit Delete in reply to #1     Reply (6)   Printable Relation | Link | Bookmark | Report
  1. Honor and Keep thine journal up to date with Words and Tales, lest ye forget ye Small Deedes of ye day and later weep as all is lost in the shifting Mysts of Tyme.
  2. Harken to my words, for yonder Dogge cannot be trusted; have thine pepper Spraye at the ready to halt foul miscreants.
  3. Yea, Even though ye go to the Ends of the Earth itself for the Very Beste in Gear, yet still shall ye lust after ye Newest Gadget, and ye shall weep and moan and gnash thy teeth that it is not yet thine.
  4. If thou dost encounter ye Flatte Tyre, then it is said that Always, This Shall occur on the busiest, dustiest stretch of Road imaginable.
  5. Verily I say unto thee, Ye Shall Always stop and Hail thy fellow bicycle travelers as they approach ye from ye opposite direction, and trade Tales of Woe and Wonder about what is to come.
  6. Even as thy Tour is like unto a Descent into Hell itself, yet still shall thee look back upon it with increasing fondness as Tyme passes ye by.
  7. And it was said unto the crowd, "Ye shall Never share Pie while on ye Velocipede Odyssey, for it is an Abomination in mine Eye... also, Pass ye Ice Creame, and quick unto it now".
  8. Behold and mark my Words, for Locals shall always Mislead and Deceive thee with their tales of "it's all flat" and "yea, verily it be only a couple of miles".
  9. Ye Wind Shall Always Blow Against Ye, No Matter Which Way Ye Be Pedaling - care ye not to Question this, for so it has been Written.
  10. Thou shalt always visit ye Poste Office within Days of starting thy Trippe, for ye purpose of sending crappe that ye thought was Essential back Home.

      
#6: Re: Top ten rules of bicycle touring. (thread)
By Jeff Blinn on Fri 1 Apr 2011 18:20 Edit Delete in reply to #1     Reply (1)   Printable Relation | Link | Bookmark | Report
"Eat before you're hungry, drink before you're thirsty, and pee before you really need to go."
"Discomfort and fatigue are rarely fatal."

      
#7: Re: Top ten rules of bicycle touring. (thread)
By David O'Haver on Fri 1 Apr 2011 18:33 Edit Delete in reply to #1     Reply (1)   Printable Relation | Link | Bookmark | Report
ANY CRASH THAT YOU CAN WALK FROM IS A GOOD ONE,as in ANY plane landing/crash that you can walk from is a good one. or something like that,right ??

      
#8: Re: Top ten rules of bicycle touring. (thread)
By David O'Haver on Fri 1 Apr 2011 18:34 Edit Delete in reply to #5     Reply   Printable Relation | Link | Bookmark | Report
BOY HOWDY ,did you nail this or what ?? great job Neil

      
#9: Re: Top ten rules of bicycle touring. (thread)
By Scott Little on Fri 1 Apr 2011 19:13 Edit Delete in reply to #1     Reply   Printable Relation | Link | Bookmark | Report
The steeper the grade - the nastier the dog

One percent > Miniature Poodle
Four percent > Dalmatian
Eight percent > German Shepard
Twelve percent > Pit Bull with rabies

      
#10: Re: Top ten rules of bicycle touring. (thread)
By James Johnson on Fri 1 Apr 2011 19:21 Edit Delete in reply to #1     Reply (1)   Printable Relation | Link | Bookmark | Report
Hi Kelly,

It's a good bet that many of the "rules" will relate to food and especially sweets :-)

Here are a couple more that relate to ice cream ~ the #1 best friend forever of a bicycle tourist.

It's never too cold outside to have a frozen ice cream treat.

It's never too early in the morning to indulge in ice cream.

Desert should always be eaten before the other "superfalous" food items that make up a well balanced meal.

One of our top advocacy efforts should be directed towards getting a federal mandate passed that dictates all establishments that sell frozen treats must by law be open 365 days per year and 24 hours per day. No bicycle tourist should ever be denied their ice cream.

Turtle

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What does a frozen bicycle tourist have for breakfast? That's right !! Ice Cream !!

Image on journal page: Day 6 ~ The Brick, and an awesome ride.: Missouri State Fair Campground to Days Inn Butler, Missouri in journal A turtle's adventure ~ 5000+ miles for 50th birthday by James Johnson (Completed Jan 2011)

      
#11: Re: Top ten rules of bicycle touring. (thread)
By Brad Teubner on Fri 1 Apr 2011 19:58 Edit Delete in reply to #7     Reply   Printable Relation | Link | Bookmark | Report
"ANY plane landing/crash that you can walk from is a good one.."
And any landing/crash where the plane/bicycle is reusable afterwards is a great one.

      
#12: Re: Top ten rules of bicycle touring. (thread)
By Lisa Koch on Fri 1 Apr 2011 20:08 Edit Delete in reply to #6     Reply (1)   Printable Relation | Link | Bookmark | Report
"Discomfort and fatigue are rarely fatal."

My father likes to say it this way: "A little pain never hurt anybody".

      
#13: Re: Top ten rules of bicycle touring. (thread)
By Dan Browning on Fri 1 Apr 2011 21:58 Edit Delete in reply to #1     Reply   Printable Relation | Link | Bookmark | Report
I don't even like to share ice cream when I'm not touring. You eat your food and I'll eat mine.

Seriously, I think one rule of bicycle touring is not to screw things up for the rest of us. Your behavior shapes public perception of cyclists.

      
#14: Re: Top ten rules of bicycle touring. (thread)
By Graham Smith on Sat 2 Apr 2011 03:06 Edit Delete in reply to #1     Reply   Printable Relation | Link | Bookmark | Report
When the world and I were younger, in the 1980s, I did quite a bit of bike-touring on the backroads and tracks of the Australian high country. This was of course pre-GPS, pre-EPIRB, pre-mobile phone. Even pre-CGOAB.

One of my rules was:

Before I set off, know the answer to these 3 questions:

1. If I 'go missing' who will know I am missing?
2. When, or how long will it be, before they know I am missing?
3. Where will they know to start looking?

Riding with at least one other person of course provided the answers to all 3 questions, but for solo rides other precautions, appropriate to wherever it was I rode, needed to be put in place before I set off.

      
#15: Re: Top ten rules of bicycle touring. (thread)
By Graham Finch on Sat 2 Apr 2011 04:05 Edit Delete in reply to #1     Reply   Printable Relation | Link | Bookmark | Report
This was my third one from the seller...

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Click here for a larger version of the picture

      
#16: Re: Top ten rules of bicycle touring. (thread)
By Emily Sharp on Sat 2 Apr 2011 04:32 Edit Delete in reply to #1     Reply   Printable Relation | Link | Bookmark | Report
I think the first part of the Dr Seuss poem "Oh the places you will go" has some good lessons. Here's some text:
"Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.
You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, 'I don't choose to go there.'
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.
And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.
It's opener there
in the wide open air.
Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.
And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.
OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!" -- Dr Seuss

And I, personally, would add to this poem my most obvious rule:

And when the tailwind does blow and blow,
Then just get on your bike and go, go, go!

      
#17: Re: Top ten rules of bicycle touring. (thread)
By Douglas Coulter on Sun 3 Apr 2011 14:40 Edit Delete in reply to #1     Reply   Printable Relation | Link | Bookmark | Report
My own little poem in response any zelots I run into on tour, a loose take on Psalm 23

"Did God really speak, all things create?
Is the flesh just a cheap suit of clothes?
Omnipotent one go fetch your own coffee
He maketh me to lie down not run errands
The valley of the shadow of death taint evil I dread
its them dadgum servants of a lazy deity."
3-24-11 by Douglas Coulter

And so my main rule is don't let anybody spoil my tour, like a turtle it all just rolls off my back.

      
#18: Re: Top ten rules of bicycle touring. (thread)
By Neal Oren on Sun 3 Apr 2011 17:28 Edit Delete in reply to #1     Reply   Printable Relation | Link | Bookmark | Report
My favorite rule:

The summit must be around the next bend.

      
#19: Re: Top ten rules of bicycle touring. (thread)
By Raymond Riha on Sun 3 Apr 2011 21:16 Edit Delete in reply to #1     Reply   Printable Relation | Link | Bookmark | Report
"I scream, you scream, everyone screams for ice cream."

      
#20: Re: Top ten rules of bicycle touring. (thread)
By Leo Woodland on Mon 4 Apr 2011 00:34 Edit Delete in reply to #10     Reply (1)   Printable Relation | Link | Bookmark | Report
Is that ice cream so out of focus because you were too shattered to keep your eyes straight? I feel your pain, brother James.

happy days

léo

      
#21: Re: Top ten rules of bicycle touring. (thread)
By Leo Woodland on Mon 4 Apr 2011 00:35 Edit Delete in reply to #5     Reply   Printable Relation | Link | Bookmark | Report
Wonderful, Neil. Thanks.

happy days

léo

p.s. And thanks for the get-well message.

      
#22: Re: Top ten rules of bicycle touring. (thread)
By William Abbey on Mon 4 Apr 2011 00:48 Edit Delete in reply to #1     Reply   Printable Relation | Link | Bookmark | Report
"Travel with those who laugh!" has to be at the top of my list. I've ridden with people who take themselves and biking stats pretty seriously. No thanks for extended trips. Bill's corallary is "God Save Me From Zealots" Fred's is "Silence those who oppose free speech!"

BTW, Pie is really an appetizer for Breakfast...and lunch...perhaps something to eat while ordering dinner.

      
#23: Re: Top ten rules of bicycle touring. (thread)
By Mike Ayling on Mon 4 Apr 2011 00:54 Edit Delete in reply to #12     Reply   Printable Relation | Link | Bookmark | Report
Lisa wrote

"Discomfort and fatigue are rarely fatal."

Unless you are cold and wet and become at risk of hypothermia.

Mike

      
#24: Re: Top ten rules of bicycle touring. (thread)
By Raymond Riha on Mon 4 Apr 2011 07:06 Edit Delete in reply to #20     Reply   Printable Relation | Link | Bookmark | Report
Glad you're okay Leo. Eat lots of ice cream, you'll mend faster.

      
#25: Re: Top ten rules of bicycle touring. (thread)
By Rich Haubert on Mon 4 Apr 2011 09:54 Edit Delete in reply to #1     Reply (2)   Printable Relation | Link | Bookmark | Report
Do not overplan. In fact plan as little as possible. How to know? If you know where you'll be staying ahead of time, you've overplanned.


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